What's gotten your wand in a knot?
by DavRin
Summary: How could an argument lead to funny and embarassing situations for Albus and Minerva. And how their relationship affect those people around them.
1. Chapter 1

**What's Gotten Your Wand in a Knot?**

A busy day for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, final exams are coming up and meetings with the staff and the ministry keep popping in Albus Dumbledore's schedule. The students hustle and buzzle around the musky corridors of the castle to arrive on exact time of their classes, the moving staircases and the poltergeist Peeves who constantly interchange schedule postings on the wall definitely isn't helping. Albus sat quietly in his table high up on the highest tower in Hogwarts, reading and reviewing the term ender programs and faculty adjustments made by the ever loyal and hardworking deputy headmistress none other than the stern Minerva McGonagall. Albus half sighed and half smiled as he shook his head as he remembered Minerva. He rarely see's her smile and last night with their nightly night caps in her sitting room just a floor below his room, yet again, he was graced by her rare but beautiful smile.

Now that he's thinking about it, he realized he isn't even sure what made her smile specifically.

_Flashback…._

_Minerva: I need the revisions of the faculty adjustments ASAP Albus._

Minerva sat warmly across Albus, her left leg tucked under her as she leaned comfortably in her emerald green oversized sofa. The fireplace lending them the crackling of a burning log and the warmth of an evening fire, the glow from the embers illuminating her eyes and making them a shade lighter than the lush emerald that they really are. With her tea cup in her right hand she tucked a stray hair behind her ear, watching Albus from above the brim of her cup. His cheeks are ever so slightly pink, maybe caused by the warmth of the fire; his eyes are dancing with their usual spark.

_Albus: You just gave them to me Minerva, you don't expect me to work here and now don't you?_

_Minerva: Not unless I want to hex you in the middle of my sitting room right into the next century, no._

_Albus: And why pray tell, would you hex me?_

_Minerva: because, headmaster, my ways and your ways with "working" doesn't really coincides._

Albus gave out a hearty laugh and nodded towards Minerva, raising hi mug, containing the ever famous hot chocolate just slightly and said,

_Albus: Touche'_

Some nights they'd be playing chess, and no those chess games aren't really quick sessions. They tried 5-7 hours each game and it proved to be short. Minerva, almost always wins. Albus knew that she was the better player but not in his 126 years would he ever admit it to her, he couldn't stand her smug face and provoking grins every time she'd won, so, no, conceding is not an option. Other nights are quiet dinners alone in his or her sitting rooms. Those are the nights that they both look forward to. And not on Merlin's bloody beard would either of them admit that these intimate dinners are being looked forward to. Both are acting nonchalant and casual about it.

A soft knock on the heavy wooden door, pulled Albus out of his reverie. Hir face relatively lit up and fell when the potions, Slytherin headmaster came through the door.

_Snape: Not Minerva eh?_

Albus smiled jovially at Snape.

Albus: Ah, Severus my boy. What jolly wind brought you up here?

Snape sniggered his usual sarcastic grins.

Snape: The deputy headmistress is about to blow off a certain madam undersecretary aka pink toad's head or transform her into something I'd be glad to laugh see like a pink bat in the middle of the faculty office.

The whole affair seems to amuse Albus as he rubbed his long silvery beard and chuckled.

_Albus: And what is the argument about, if I may ask._

Without any hint of moving from his seat, he prodded the potions master to tell him more. He knew Minerva would never loose her temper over a silly misunderstanding, though he can vow that even death eaters can turn to their heels and walk away with cold feet if ever confronted with a very angry deputy headmistress.

_Snape: Apparently, about you headmaster. Umbridge made a nasty remark about how an old coot or something to that effect could be ever so needed by Fudge. I suppose Minerva didn't like what she heard, well, actually all the faculty didn't like it but only the headmistress can send Umbridge on her bottom. _

The headmaster nodded with understanding, he knew how loyal of a friend Minerva and he knows, she'd stop at nothing to defend his honor, as much as hed stop at nothing to defend hers. He stood up and brushed the gingernewts crumb on his robe.  
_Albus: well then, shall we go and save the madam undersecretary Severus?_

####TBC####


	2. Misunderstandings

Despite the lowered voices inside the staff's office, there seems to be an audience that the commotion gathered since there are groups of hufflepuff first and second years standing outside the door. Albus and Severus didn't talk much on the way down from the high towers.

_Severus: get back to your common room. And 10 points from hufflepuff for your nosiness._

Severus spoke in his usually flat note voice. The group of students hurriedly walked away from the door. Albus chuckled lightly.

Inside, no one dared move after Severus went to fetch the headmaster to calm Minerva down. Everybody was sitting down stiffly except for Rolanda Hooch who is standing near the fire place and drinking firewhisky, her yellow eyes sparkling with mischief, her smirk like the Cheshire who swallowed the canary and her shoulder raised slightly in a nonchalant way. Above everyone else, she knows Minerva McGonagall, she knew the other witch like she knows herself, she know the things or person that can make Minerva laugh and smile and she also definitely know what miff and rile Minerva the most, and this is one of those "I'd rather face the death eater than the wrath of Minerva McGonagall" moments, which obviously Dolores Umbridge is about to familiarize with. From where Rolanda stood she can see Pomona Sprout and Filius Flitwick slammed close to each other in a battered emerald settee', Poppy Pomfrey the school nurse and Horace Slughorn who looks at each other every 5 seconds or so, Rolanda knew what they are all thinking, if they could dissapparate in time before Minerva burned the whole room together with Umbridge into ashes and smoke. The two witches in question are circling at each other like duelers would, Umbridge in her not-so cheerful face anymore and Minerva's blank expressionless face which is a lot worse than her angry face. Rolanda knew that when Umbridge said "old coot" referring to Albus that this would not end very well, but now that Dolores brought up the changing of class prospectus in accordance to the ministry, she lost her last straw of chance to leave the Hogwarts premises with no scratches.

_Minerva: You can change other school's prospectus but not ours Madam undersecretary, especially not mine._

_Dolores: So you think your closeness to Dumbledore give you the right to resist the ministry, don't you Minerva?_

That was it and Minerva's eyes flamed.

And just as Minerva was just an inch away from hexing Umbridge, Albus opened the door. Everybody fell silent including Albus not knowing what to do with the awkward and obviously dangerous situation.

Rolanda Hooch, never lost for words saved them all

_Hooch: What a waste of good show._

Despite himself, Severus snorted, the kind of snort that resembles a laugh if the man only knows how to laugh. He looked straight to the pixie haired, yellow eyed witch and gave her an appraising look.

Albus, got his momentum back and walked closer to where Minerva and Umbridge was circling each other.

_Albus: Madam Undersecretary, please give me and the headmistress more time to discuss this changes that the ministry wants us to follow._

Umbridge thinking that Albus took her side looked smug again and in her annoying sweet voice, her eyes directed at Minerva.

_Umbridge: and do well to teach certain staff here in Hogwarts to fabricate respect Albus._

Minerva tensed up, but before she could return a nasty retort, Albus placed his hand in her back that made her tensed in all different reasons made her hold her tongue.

_Albus: If you would all excuse us. Let's go, Minerva._

Albus led her out of the room and walked with her silently outside the castle towards the black lake.

Minerva walked two steps ahead of Albus and made a sharp turn that he almost bumped at her straight in the face, she had the flame in her eyes and her lips in a very thin line.

_Minerva: How dare you insult me like that?  
_she spat.

_Albus: I beg you pardon dear?_

_Minerva: I defended you Albus when she insulted you behind your back! And you favored her in front of my face; you didn't even have the decency to do it at least after she left! You gave her a reason to laugh at my expense!_

Minerva's face was hard as the stone that built Hogwarts; she turned around and walked away. Leaving Albus confused and somehow….Angry.

In Minerva's room.

_Hooch: You are mad! He saved your well formed behind MINERVA! _

Minerva just curled herself in her tartan over large sofa and turned her back to her friend.

_Minerva: Please Ro, I want to be alone._

The pillow muffled her voice, but it could never the sigh in it.

####TBC###


	3. Plans

Three days and no Albus roamed the castle, called away by the ministry to some international convention, with him to attend is Dolore Umbridge. Minerva is acting as the Deputy Headmistress answering inquiries of parents about the whereabouts and progress of their children, some owls from the Minister himself asking some assistance to a complex transfiguration crisis and her usual stack and pile of quills to work with, she sighed and look outside her window. From the 7th floor of the east tower she can see brooms of students flying around, giggles and childhood laughs filled the air, why would they not have fun? it is a fine day indeed, from where she sat, she can make out the profile of Rolanda Hooch the flying instructor who sat at the steps of the west entrance, she looks to be having a conversation with a black figure standing beside where the witch was seated.

Minerva: I'll be damned! Rolanda and Severus are talking..Is the world coming to an end?

she touched her cheek and look out again to make sure that she is not hallucinating. Surely something is conspicous when one would know how those two bickered at each other at all the chance theyd get.

While minerva sighed again, remembering the annoyance she feels for Albus for siding Dolores, she tried to dismiss her thoughts by a darker thought.

Minerva: Oh well, now they'd have time with each other and perhaps Albus would finally see that he likes the pink toad.

The rubbed her temples that throbs with the thought and sighed with heavy resignation.

Meanwhile...

Rolanda: Blasted people! i'm telling you Severus. her thoughts are becoming darker with every day that Albus spent away with Umbridge.

Snape tried to cover his eyes from the glaring sunlight, he cursed under his breath as to why he agreed to talk with the Hooch woman outside on a sunny day like it. And as to why they are discussing the affair of Dumbledore and McGonagall is beyond his understanding.

Severus: I dont bloody care what she thinks Rolanda. And i dont care about their sick teenager like love affair. I am a busy man, unlike others who prided themselves in basking under the sun.

Rolanda look up to Snape and he can see her eyes dance like yellow dandelions on a summer in vast field, lovely..Did he just say...bloody merlins underpants!

Rolanda: Oh Almighty Greasy One! but you have to care. remember last year? When they argued and they both acted like lovefools and Albus announced Valentine ball for the staff just to anger Minerva and you have to have a date? or you just like having Rita Skeeter as a date?

Severus grimaced remembering Rita Bloody Skeeter and how like a lizard she crawled all over his skin, and his eyes grew darker when he remembered a certain pixie haired, yellow eyed witch yawning over her ministry employed date.

HE sigh.

Severus: Okay so whats your plan Hooch? This better than locking them up in a cupboard.

Rolanda smiled a sneaky smile with eyes glittering with mischief.

Rolanda: the best.


	4. Conspicous Alliance

**Conspicuous Alliance**

"_That is what you call a good idea?, Make a potion where we'd soak lemon drops that would make Albus vomit? Minerva won't buy that. She'd hex him for being stupid over eating those wretched sweets. That won't be so romantic, would it?" _

Snape almost spat the words to Rolanda's face except of course they are sitting across each other separated by one meter wide hardwood, a mug of coffee in both their hands lending warmth against the dampness and biting cold of the dungeons. Their illicit meeting was held in Severus's "lair" as Rolanda so gracefully called it, on a cold and rainy Saturday morning. Rolanda could swear that Severus Snape is really a bat, likes the dark, cold and musky smell of the Hogwarts underground instead of the warm faculty office.

Rolanda raised the mug to her lips and looked thoughtful, her eyes focused somewhere between the swirls of steam and the hot liquid.

"_Stop acting like you're in deep thoughts and thinking of a good idea, I know you have none!"_ Severus leaned closer and gave emphasis to his words by banging the mug on the table.

"_Merlin Severus! Have you gone mental? Calm down..I'll get your mummy and daddy hitched in no time" _

Rolanda smirked as she swallowed the hot liquid and feeling it slide down her throat.

_Snape: Mummy and Daddy? Rubbish!_

_Hooch: well you got me thinking that you are so eager to get them together, as if they are your parents or something._

_Snape: look woman, I just want this over so that I can go back to my normal life._

_Hooch: Nothing normal about you. Okay, shush! We jinx Minerva's broom and maybe Albus would catch her._

_Snape: Minerva don't ride brooms. genius._

_Hooch: we make Albus real drunk and have him admit his feelings for her._

_Snape: I swear to Merlin, if I'd have to carry him to his chambers and change him to his ghastly sleepwear like what happened last Christmas because he was too drunk, I'd have to kill you and Hogwarts would have to look for a new flying instructor. That'd be a shame._

_Hooch: Okay Snape, if you are too intelligent come on let us hear your suggestion._

Snape looked down to this feet and tried to think for a second..

_Hooch: well? Not so easy isn't it?_

_Snape: zip it woman. Honestly! How about, we tell them we've been secretly together and now we had a squabble and we seek their advice?_

Rolanda Hooch might as well fly in the air with a twig from the whomping willow, hearing Snape's suggestion made her explode with laughter, how the dark, expressionless, boring excuse of a man has ever thought of such scheme is beyond her.

In midst of laughter and hysterical fits of giggles she managed to say

"_You are cheeky aren't you? Tell me, have you been wanting to role play being my lover for a day so long?_

Snape looked grim but from his face crept a blush and found himself not wanting to look straight into Rolanda's teasing eyes.

"_Dream On woman! You're not my type. Too gnome like and noisy and blasphemous."_

Rolanda doesn't seem to mind, wave dismissive hand

"_Minerva would never believe that story anyway, she's heard too many profane descriptions of you straight from my sweet mouth."_

Serevus sighed and tried not to roll his eyes, the woman is so unbelievably short sighted.

"_Well, you'd have to act very well. We both have to, As Albus also knew how I'd wish to break your neck once too many."_

Meanwhile…

"You, Ms. Lazenby! Have you seen Madam Hooch?"

The second year hufflepuff seem to cower in the presence of Professor McGonagall.

"I..i.. Yes professor, I saw her with with Professor Sssnape walking to the dungeons, maam."

Minerva's jaw almost dropped for the second time that week, Severus and Rolanda together, she walked absent mindedly past the student who still looked pale.

"_Something slimy is going on between those two. I have to find out."_

Dungeons….

Rolanda, stood up sweeping her robes on the damp dungeon floor.

Hooch: Okay Severus. We don't like each other, we already established that. But for the sake of our peace, we'd work together. Play your part, I'll play mine. We will call this, project"MMAD"

Snape grimaced snorting to the silly project name. Silly but fitting. The two old coots are both mad. Literally and figuratively. And so is Hooch. But, among all of the party involve he believes, he is the maddest among them having to agree to this insane idea.

Snape: Whatever, woman. Remember the script, we make this like their story so they'd realize how similar our problems with theirs and as they give us advice they'd realize, they might as well apply it themselves.

Rolanda walked towards the door and she stopped to look back at Severus who didn't stand from the table but bended his body enough for him to watch the witch leaving

Hooch: I could have kissed you with your brilliance right now if only the grease from your hair didn't drip to your face.

With a sly wink, she sashayed her way out of the dungeons.  
Leaving Severus's mouth agape.

"Bloody Woman!"

Severus let out an irritated sigh.

"Oh dear pants of Nicholas Flamel! Merlin help me! I am losing my mind"

Severus Snape, braced himself for the upcoming act.

May a 3rd great wizarding war commence before McGonagall finds out what they are up to.

To die in a war is dignified, less bloody. He couldn't say the same if Minerva would be as considerate..


End file.
